I've lost my mojo.

[Last Alternative]

First let me say I am not depressed or looking for sympathy or advice or answers. I am venting and hopefully someone can relate.

People used to love my music and always asked when the album is coming. They told me they loved my sound and it was really cool music. It kept me going and excited to continue. I've been in bands, played shows, made recordings and now I just sit here listening to my album song after song, sometimes re-recording, tweaking drums and sounds, trying to get hyped up and finish but doubting a lot of things. I listen to a lot of music for ideas, moods, inspiration.. and I feel defeated. Like I can't do that.
As bad as I want to finish and as much as I long to hold my first full album in my hands, play it loud, give it away, sell it, feel accomplished in life, give a big F-YOU to all the hard times... I feel like it won't be right. I'm not good enough. I'm too amateur. There's not enough energy.
I've spent more money than I can tell you putting together a very nice home studio over time--every time I buy something to improve it telling myself "okay now there's no excuse", only to come to the same place of sitting here just listening, not knowing how to finish. Now in the dim light my studio collects more dust than music hours.

I've let my girlfriend down. I've let all those people down - fans, if you will. I've let Benedict down. Most of all I've let myself down.
Maybe I'm not depressed in the medical sense but I am so caught up in the 'work, save, pay bills, future goals' bullsh that when I finally sit down there's no energy to explode into creativity; like an artist beaten to death by life.

I pretty much have the whole album recorded. I love those songs. They are dear to me. But when I listen to my music collection I think it's so simple but awesome. There's something that makes you rock but what? All the modern tricks? The punchy drums? The killer synth and bass? Did they feel the same as me and almost give up too? I even try to listen to a song and imagine the artist sitting there bored and sick of it-maybe feeling the same as me, even though it's amazing. I'm at a loss.
Benedict told me once to give myself permission. That's great advice and I tried really hard. I just don't know how to.

Recently a girl at work bought my EP and when I saw her next she was so hyped about it asking questions, telling me her favorite songs, her favorite parts. That meant the world to me and re-lit my candle but now the flame is going out again.
I need to get back to myself. I need a mental/geological vacation. I need to find my mojo!!!

The saddest thing I can think of ultimately for myself is getting old and dying knowing I gave up on my talents. That cannot happen. We all have a story. Mine is simply music saved my life in rehab as a teen when I found an old acoustic guitar in a closet and learned how to play. Music was there when I was a junkie living with some of the worst people I ever met and living thru some terrible situations. Music was there when I had nothing and was done with life. It picked me up and gave me purpose. It always has. Without it I feel like an empty shell drifting thru life. Now I barely talk to my friends. I barely do anything. On my days off, unless I'm with my girlfriend (fighting half the time), I'm in bed watching movies or sleeping off and on all day. Shit maybe I am depressed. Even in conversations I have almost no pizzazz.

A friend of mine has written about 100 songs. He played shows and is an amazing musician. A few years ago he just stopped. Now he just plays video games and it pains me to see he's totally fine with that but it's his decision. I just don't want that to be me. The thing is, is I feel so close to becoming that and it scares me.
I'm hoping by writing this and admitting to total strangers that I can figure this out and psych myself up someway.
So with a glass of Scotch on the rocks I say - here's to that.

-Jace

[fieldframe]

It's funny, I've put out three albums now and yet I've never felt as self-conscious and amateurish as I do right now. Sure, those albums were challenging, and I got tired of hearing each one for awhile as I got closer to releasing it, but I was just kind of launching them into the void, so I kind of felt like, who cares if people think they're lame? I like them!

Somehow that's different this time as I prepare to release my first single this week. I guess the big difference is that this will be my first-ever track with vocals: I've been trying to do the singer-songwriter thing since the days of Record, but never felt any of my material was good enough to publish. This one song has been in progress for over a year, and I'm now at the point where I'm way too close to it, and I just want to release it... At the same time, I also don't really want anyone to hear my singing. And I'm totally preoccupied with people thinking the lyrics are weird or dumb, or even with audio people scoffing at my mix.

But I've committed to it. It's coming out.

[Jagwah]

Wow man that's really deep. I ponder things I would have trouble airing on here but I appreciate why you are.

I lost my mojo a few times and realised it was time for a break. We can't force this stuff, it has to come naturally. I can't recommend taking breaks enough, especially if you are at it all the time. It's like a holiday, just relax and make sure you let that pressure go, forget about it for the holiday.

Good luck.

[OldGoat]

Maybe I'm not depressed in the medical sense but I am so caught up in the 'work, save, pay bills, future goals' bullsh that when I finally sit down there's no energy to explode into creativity; like an artist beaten to death by life.

I can feel your pain, I'm also burned out by life, I've so many ideas, but once I'm back from work (where I have to give and I want to give 100% and nothing less), I feel this lack of energy, and very often the lack wins and I end on the couch watching bullshit in the idiot-machine and smoking a ton of weed. But many times I think that this sick twisted evil fucking society will not bring me down and I start to do something creative, and I have to say that in most of the cases this gives me MORE energy than it takes! But currently I'm also in a bad phase, it's like the battery will not charge any more. I have such phases from time to time, and the solution is always self-motivation: It is necessary to have a strong will in a world that inspires weakness.

The saddest thing I can think of ultimately for myself is getting old and dying knowing I gave up on my talents. That cannot happen. We all have a story. Mine is simply music saved my life in rehab as a teen when I found an old acoustic guitar in a closet and learned how to play. Music was there when I was a junkie living with some of the worst people I ever met and living thru some terrible situations. Music was there when I had nothing and was done with life. It picked me up and gave me purpose. It always has. Without it I feel like an empty shell drifting thru life. Now I barely talk to my friends. I barely do anything. On my days off, unless I'm with my girlfriend (fighting half the time), I'm in bed watching movies or sleeping off and on all day. Shit maybe I am depressed. Even in conversations I have almost no pizzazz.

I'm currently almost in the same situation, The questions you should ask yourself is: "What must change, so that my situation improves" and "What do I want for my life".

In the words of Suicidal Tendencies:
"Oh, what's that?
So, now you say life sucks
Well, ninety-nine percent of it's
What you make of it...
So if your life sucks, you suck"

In the words of Neurosis:
"Recognize this as your own nature
Abandon the fear
Abandon the terror you project
Let your mind rest beyond flesh and bone
Look from a place of understanding, your mind is a conduit
Your mind is as vast as the universe
Rest in this
In the clear light of existence
This light is divine"

And talking to people is the main gateway to the world, a lesson that I have to teach myself everyday, do not think that you have nothing to say any more, if you think so: talk about it!

[Marco Raaphorst]

Don't listen to others. Don't start comparing.

You wrote this "I love those songs." Well that is enough. Fuck everything else. Just listen to your heard what you like and deliver.

Good is relative. Some stuff I LOVE some other people HATE. It's not even good or bad, it's love or hate. We can never satisfy them all. In fact f#ck them all

And don't take yourself to seriously. Live needs a bit of humor. It can never be perfect. Which is the fun of it. A mistake can be a mistake or an opportunity... we will never find it, but we will try to find it...

[raymondh]

Don't listen to others. Don't start comparing.

You wrote this "I love those songs." Well that is enough. Fuck everything else. Just listen to your heard what you like and deliver.

Good is relative. Some stuff I LOVE some other people HATE. It's not even good or bad, it's love or hate. We can never satisfy them all. In fact f#ck them all

And don't take yourself to seriously. Live needs a bit of humor. It can never be perfect. Which is the fun of it. A mistake can be a mistake or an opportunity... we will never find it, but we will try to find it...

Totally agree!

[Creativemind]

I know, if you're playing real instruments (like in a band), this might not apply as much, but do you just use Reason? I find using a different daw can sometimes re-inspire your creativity as it has different ways of working and maybe vst's instead of re's and different stock instruments/devices etc. Or maybe you could rewire.

I find that taking a break does sometimes make a difference. I can have a song and then come back to it a week later (after thinking it was ok, nothing out of the ordinary) and suddenly I'm like, "What's the hell, this is amazing". Fresh ears, fresh opinion.

Just listened to your EP. Great tracks man. Very well produced and good use of panning too. Something I neglect sometimes. The songs sound very Dinosaur Jnr/ Weezer. Not sure if they even have a touch of Nirvana about them. Good work.

[guitfnky]

like Marco said, it's not about everyone else, it's about you. you shouldn't do it for anyone but yourself. maybe that sounds selfish, but good art has to come from a place where you love it before anyone else ever will (I say 'good' art very purposefully, here).

don't tie your self-worth to how well your art 'sells'. the arts are an incredibly difficult area in which to make a living. competition for attention is fierce, and people get rewarded for dumbing things down for the largest possible audience. that's not good art; it's art that sucks up the proverbial air in the room, drowning out those of us who are trying to actually create stuff as unique and individual as the beautiful snowflakes we all are. it's a sad reality, but a reality it is. the best thing we can do is keep at it, and keep showing our work to others, so that when people do get bored with the dumbed down stuff, they have something magical to fall back on.

don't try to convince yourself that you're going to hit it big; hope for it, and work for it, if that's what you want, but don't expect it. odds are good that you won't. I don't say that to be negative, or cynical; I say it because math is a batch.

all that said, don't ignore the people who care. every listen you get, every 'like' you get, every encouraging comment you get... they're all gifts. treat them that way. be thankful that one person has listened to your track and liked it. thank them for the encouragement, and be grateful for it. that is the encouragement you should be focused on, to keep doing what you want. it means the art that's important to you is important to them too, even if they are few.

just do what you do, and for yourself first. that's it.

[4filegate]

No, try not, do or do not, there is no try. -Yoda

[Vyckeil]

Sometimes, life tends to disconnect ourselves from... ourselves. We become so preoccupied with other things that we sometimes forget why we were doing it in the first place, be it music or any other personal project. We become so absorbed by our problems and daily life that we lose ourselves, our focus and energy to do the things that we really want to do. Those moments in our lives are unavoidable. We will always have periods with circumstances make us re-evaluate our immediate priorities. That's normal, and that's just life.

I've often lost my mojo, but I've always regained it. For me, losing my mojo was a symptom of a larger problem, something that had to change in my life to get back on the right track, the way I wanted to live my life. And when I say "live my life", I don't only mean job, family, retirement, etc. I just have to make music. It always comes back like a bad case of herpes.

But for some, they don't regain their mojo. They move on to better things, things that allow them to flourish in other ways. I feel that some music creators tell themselves that they just have to create music even though it might not be the case for them. It's like losing a deep, intimate part of yourself, almost like an ex. I know, I lost it many times and felt like shit. Some things are best to just let go sometimes, even for a moment to let it resurface naturally. And if it doesn't, then it's best to just let it go.

TL;DR Just do drugs, it helps remove existential stress and adds creativity to an otherwise boring routine.

[Vince-Noir-99]

Hello. You say you've lost your mojo — the ancient wizards say that's alright.

Seriously I am referring to my readings on ancient European philosophy. Hopefully they make sense to you.

A loss is not fun, indeed, but it is a transition. As much as this may sound patronising and cheap, rather than looking back at what's gone, we are advised to look forward at what's coming.

"Rather than cursing the darkness, try to light a fire"

What is coming may be completely different or, as I suspect, getting back to music, but with a completely fresh approach. The tricky part: the transition. This time may be indefinitely long and a true pain. Once a man loses something or someone on which they relied for inner balance, they are left alone and out of balance: lost. This event doesn't mean the end, but only a part of a natural cycle. It is the night of thought and reflection after a long day of adventures in the sun, it is the dark winter after a fruitful summer. Such cycles are necessary and natural. Walking happens by putting one foot after the other, our eyes open and close, we breathe in, we breathe out, etc etc... We are advised to embrace the darkness, the loss, the pain, the struggle, as without them there is no purpose or enjoyment of the following balance/happiness/living in the moment without travelling away from reality with thought. The way in which a man resolves the transition speaks of his virtues. The more extreme his struggle, the more heroic his rebirth will be, and hopefully become model to other men, as those recounted in our fairytales (not the twisted ones). Struggle is a test of nature, the natural selection of the fittest. You have made it through addiction. Is it possible music became your healthier addiction replacement? If so, as much as healthier it is compared to substances, it is still an addiction. Good news from the wizards: the scope of life is to find the scope itself and this scope can only be achieved through self-balance. Self-balance is reached through exercise and after falling a few times.

Finally I'd say congratulations! And good luck through this transition.


Personal advice: do not stress about things that don't happen as you want.

"If you want to make the Gods laugh, tell them your plans"

Embrace the void, be a detective and make order, heal the wounds and prepare for the next adventure.

[Noplan]

First let me say I am not depressed

how can you be sure?

[JNeffLind]

Just take the pressure off man and refuel. Let the fields go fallow. Don't touch anything for a month, even to tinker, and you'll likely start jonesing. Do some stuff you enjoy and if you really love music (as I believe you do) you'll come back to it with renewed energy.

The other possibility (from personal experience) is being too wrapped up in the idea of "making it." When we're young many of us believe we'll be stars. When we get to a certain age it becomes more and more apparent that that's not likely. Perhaps you're finally coming to terms with the fact that the odds are stacked against you "making it." This happened to me and it took me a while to realize that the reason I wanted to "make it" was because I loved it, not just to be famous or be a celebrity or have renown/respect/whatever. Just because you don't make it (not saying you can't/won't, just acknowledging the long odds for even talented folks) and can't get paid for it doesn't mean you should stop doing it. That'd be like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I've dealt with bitterness in myself though and you may have some of that to work through which blinds you to the love you have for the music. I don't know you well enough to speculate on you, just trying to share my experiences and wondering if you could be on the same path.

[pushedbutton]

Here's a radical idea. Ban yourself from making music until a date of your deciding, perhaps until the end of next month.
Find other things to do and keep yourself busy doing stuff that improves your lot, maybe it's time to redecorate your bedroom or something.
Step off the treadmill until you really want to run again. If you don't want to feel like you're loosing ideas find another way to document them, perhaps a journal or a blog, you'll be surprised how useful it can be to look back over your ideas, the useful ones will reignite the inspiration you feel you might have missed, the rest can be forgotten. Don't burn out, don't fade away, just take a breath. Be strong, don't give up until you've had the time you think you need now, not when things start feeling better, you might want to load Reason up this time next week but don't, you'll just end up back at square one.

[gak]

Really? Nobody has done it yet?

[MarkTarlton]

breaks are good. when you are ready and open, the music will be there and you can get back to it

[CharlyCharlzz]

-Jace

I totaly don't care about music anymore at all , I don't even lissen to any music ....
I 'm done flying on beats and I do not care also about other things .
it's life , I don't even open reason anymore anyway and don't feel like doing so .

[AttenuationHz]

There are strong links between creativity and depression and also fine lines. I learned a good while ago that if you start overthinking something you start down a path of negativity. Once you start thinking negatively its a snow ball effect that blocks your creativity. So the trick is when you do start overthinking something, realise that you are overthinking it and so stop yourself in a positive way. This way you can use overthinking as a tool to be more creative. As you do overthink something all the scenarios are playing out in your head so you have a good deal of information to have the ability to make a positive choice right at the point of a constructive conclusion of positive outcome.

Enjoy what you have created and close book or turn the page. You can't dwell on what ifs as what ifs and worries are a part of overthinking. When you come to the realisation of the patterns that lead to your overthinking you will be the master your creativity and your mojo will have returned.

[Marco Raaphorst]

Just wait. Don't search for it.

[plaamook]

Just wait. Don't search for it.

Too right.

Fars I can tell, I've never done anything. Things kinda do themselves.

That said, sometimes the waiting to be there at the moment of the birth of things really gets to me. Especially when nothing seems to be happening. Thats when I start driving myself mad trying to 'do' things again. Then when it starts to flow again its totally aparent how I don't really do anything. I just flow along with everything else.

[Peter]

You should release the album ASAP and get to work on the next one. Part of being an artist is embracing creative diarrhea as opposed to sitting around on a project and overthinking. Too much anticipation just lets everybody down.

[Raveshaper]

"First let me say I am not depressed or looking for sympathy or advice or answers."

Understood.

I will simply share what I have thought and felt along these lines.

If I allow myself to anticipate the audience and speak for them, I never get to find out what they think of my own work. If I allow myself to compare with people I look up to, I never think that anything I make is actually good. If I allow myself to doubt while I'm rocking out to something I made and feel great about how I just pulled off that chord progression from out of my intuition alone, I begin to feel that people wouldn't like it because even though I do, they are many and I am only one.

I can say all these things as facts, because they are what has happened up until now.
I have never played a show, no one has ever mixed one of my tracks into their set, no exposure or recognition beyond a very small number of friends and the active members of this community. I have loved music my whole life. So why have I made so little of it? Because somewhere along the way, I got told a story about how some ambitions are more "real" than others, as if what makes me feel alive isn't real enough to matter.

Well, everyone has a talent and a gift they can share with the world. Not everyone dares to find it or follow it once they have. And in the absence of that flame to show the path ahead, they stumble forward wearing a hood of worries on a sunny day, informing anyone in earshot that contemplates the sunshine how dark it is this time of night and to stick to the path and beware of wolves.

There will always be someone, most likely many people, who will spread their own insecurities and fear.

I have been working for over 2 years now on a project intended to allow me and anyone else with an adventurous spirit to create music in a new and exploratory, improvisational way. I have dedicated countless man hours to this work and have kept at it because of how much it has meant to me. And yet, I have had to face a very real thing that I admit has stopped me cold. While I have been building my tower, insisting on perfection, I haven't been making music. I haven't been getting better at what I really want to do. I have been frustrated and struggling and angry because I have not been able to craft and complete the tools that I feel I need in order to begin my work. But the only one that cares is me. No one told me that I had to do this to get started. No one said "hey, add that finishing touch in there, you need to add that in". I said that, because really what this entire project has been about the entire time is just one extremely fatalistic statement of "I'm not good enough" laid out in the technical jargon of executable code. It has been a zero sum game so far.

Everyone that I look up to has been a kid at some point. They have grown up, started families in some cases, and probably all thought that their work was garbage. I know for a fact that Jake Stanczak has gotten down on his own ability publicly on Twitter from time to time. These are all just people. They had to start somewhere and network with people who were a little further along to get to where they are now. They had to have that inspiration driving them in order to push for their shot, to say "give me a chance and let me show the crowd what I can do". And even when they get there, they don't settle. Through commitments to bravery and happy accidents, they create entire genres from some of their truest and most intimate expressions in their medium. That makes me feel like I can get there too, but I have to get started.

I don't think that feeling like I'm not good enough is healthy. I don't want to live like that anymore.
I want to get started. I'm not sure if I'm abandoning my strange projects in favor of just getting on with making good music, but running into roadblock after roadblock of Reason's shortcomings certainly doesn't help things. It could very well be that my plan never could have worked in practice and only operated in theory. I think that if I feel that I have been chasing shadows this whole time, having achieved nothing, and only stalling the moment I reveal myself to the world, then that is the truth.

I think we are all here because of our love of creating music. Why would we be here if that didn't drive us?
But I think we could all benefit from distinguishing between the product of music and the talent of passion. Am I competing to sell a better product than that other person, or am I talented in what I'm passionate about? Worthy of consideration.

With that, let's get started.

[Raveshaper]

This one first:

Then this one:

[Creativemind]

There are strong links between creativity and depression and also fine lines. I learned a good while ago that if you start overthinking something you start down a path of negativity. Once you start thinking negatively its a snow ball effect that blocks your creativity. So the trick is when you do start overthinking something, realise that you are overthinking it and so stop yourself in a positive way. This way you can use overthinking as a tool to be more creative. As you do overthink something all the scenarios are playing out in your head so you have a good deal of information to have the ability to make a positive choice right at the point of a constructive conclusion of positive outcome.

Enjoy what you have created and close book or turn the page. You can't dwell on what ifs as what ifs and worries are a part of overthinking. When you come to the realisation of the patterns that lead to your overthinking you will be the master your creativity and your mojo will have returned.

That's interesting, links between creativity and depression, I have bouts of low moods and that has me intrigued. I also, like I think I said earlier, I sometimes think somethings good and the next day or a couple of days later I'll listen back and think wtf? think it's garbage lol! other times it can be the opposite, one day I'll make something I think sounds ok (but I'm one that never deletes anything in case there's something in it worth using at a later date, even if only small) and then the next time I listen to it think it's great. I've come to the conclusion it's my mood quite often.

[jonheal]

This one first:
...

Then this one:
...

I generally avoid this guy because his exuberance and haircut annoy me, but I watched the second video all the way through. I appreciate his honesty with self-examination and revelation, and I think there was much to be learned from that video.

As a chronic procrastinator and self-loather, and also one almost completely unable to delay gratification, there is much for me to digest and consider from Mr. Dave Brown's vid.

Mr. Last Alternative, watch the video. And then rename yourself to Best Alternative.